Love

Hello, it's only been 2 days but yeah, I'm back teehee Hope y'all been fine and before I begin, HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY? :P For Form 1s, welcome to the secondary school :) Hopefully you'd be enjoying yourselves for the next few months, yeahh and for Form 4s, welcome new students from other schools and Form 5s, good luck for SPM :P, not forgetting the Form 3s as well, good luck for PMR ;) Oh oh and for those in Form 6, good luck for STPM :P

OK, so moving on from that, recent meet-up with friends have strike upon the hot topic of love. You know, relationships, puppy love, boy-girl relationship, and the list goes on. Because most of my friends have gone through relationships and that just leaves me, inexperienced LOL Then again the funny thing is that we always seem to question those who are quite inexperienced or who have never been in a relationship before for advice. This means that I'm always look upon for advice (lol, perasan much) but the irony is, we (the inexperienced ones) always think that we know what's right and wrong.

And lately, relationship problems are accumulating and gosh, so much drama here and there. I, on the other hand, who isn't in a relationship, though has the illusion that I have one. Well the problem is that I'm the kind that bertepuk sebelah tangan, which means, the kind who likes a person BUT the person doesn't have mutual feelings. For me, it's always been hard and gosh, who has never had a crush before? You tell me ;)

Love is part of life and for me, the problem I face is that as much as I'm not committed in a relationship, and as I've mentioned early, I tend to have the illusion that I am, which to me, it still seems rather weird. But to stop beating around the bush, let's get to the point.

For me, I do have someone in mind, a loved one, though it may not seem possible, but yes, I do have someone in mind. Someone whom I chat with daily and someone who is, unfortunately (or should I say fortunately), a studious person. As much as the person is busy, all I want is just some time, looking at the time that I have left in Kuching, well time is just I'm asking for. Yes, time is irreplaceable but what the person don't know is that I put the equal risk in my case last year. The risk of failing (or at least not so good grades la) for SPM, not being able to concentrate and blah blah blah. But above all that, I already did risk it all, but there's no regrets upon the risk taken because at that moment in time (and now), it was (and is still) the thing that matters the most to me.

I don't mean it in a selfish way that I want time and attention from this person but it's just a little request. Ok, call me insensitive, call me whatever you want but I feel that I deserve the equal treatment that I've provided. Then again, we don't always get what we want and then there's the saying that goes "Beware what you wish" and I guess things just happen for a reason, be it good or bad. I can sit here and complain about why are all these occurrences but it would be pointless coz in the end, it will be the question that would be answered oh so silently until (maybe) the day I die and meet up with the Big Guy up there. Yes, the Big Guy is God.

Moreover, as much as I complain, the more pain is felt daily and the worse thing to feel daily is to feel down. How would you feel if you felt like you are in darkness everyday of your life? For those who went through depression, you know how it's like, to feel so lonely, all in a corner, when even though you may be surrounded by friends but when the person that you love (or like) is not by your side, it just feels like the day didn't met up with the expectation that you have. And then you'd just wish that the day would have been better.

In addition to that, the thing is we're not committed in any way, so why am I so caught up with everything? It's not like the person owed me anything and I just don't know what it's going to be like in a matter of years because hopefully the feelings would stop and maybe another would come. "There are plenty of fishes in the sea". OH PLEASE, what if I want that specific one? ==

But nevertheless, whatever love that comes my way, I guess I'd try to embrace it. Finding back my true identity and regaining confidence at that would be equally challenging but life goes on. True love waits and there's no point persevering in something that you know may not come true. I guess we'd only find out what lies ahead in time to come. *shrugs shoulders*

Honestly I don't know how to end this post coz I can honestly say I was just speaking from my heart and just blabbering everything that I felt so half of it is like " err what did I say again?" kinda feeling, so if you don't get me, it's alright. Take care and stay strong. Stand up for Love :)